having someone in your life who is truly ride or die is pretty rare. especially finding someone like that who isn't your blood family. like i know my mom, sister, grandmother, stepdad and grandfather are ride or die. that's kind of built in. but sometimes, you get really lucky, and you find another person.
i found one lurking in halls of 303 Waldron when I was a sophomore in college. she was unlikely. she had long blonde hair and wore bows in it. she was so put together she could make a sweatshirt look dressed up. she was bubbly with perky pink lipgloss. these are things that are like, on the surface, not compatible with my messy dark hair, messy/disheveled black outfits and no make-up. but turns out, she wasn't as bubbly as i imagined. she had a dark, twisted sense of humor (just like me) and we decided to be roommates the next semester.
room 6 (and the rest) is history. what i found in Lyndsay is a true ride or die. we may look different and approach life differently, but no one knows my heart and soul like she does. we spent the next 3 years of college living together (and somehow managing to get a room in DG totally to ourselves, our own sarcastic sanctuary), and thanks to her, my best memories from college don't involve frat parties but instead....Lil Wayne, Wal-Mart runs, martini bars, CSI marathons and EPIC den pop runs. We took amazing spring break trips together, we spent every night/day together. and in the stressful times, we held each other up, we saved each other. i could tell her anything. she could tell me anything. we never judged each other. we sometimes held a mirror up to each other ...so we could see a bit more clearly. we sometimes fought and sometimes cried. i remember she got engaged and i was upset. i was so worried she was too young, at 22, for this. that she'd miss out on experiences in life and regret them later. and she was so worried that i was moving to NYC and that i'd forget to look (as i often do) when crossing the street and get killed. i think what we were really afriad of was that we'd grow apart.
we even spent two years where we didn't talk to each other after college.
our friendship has been imperfect. we weren't a part of each other's weddings. and i know we both missed each other terribly. i cried when we got into that big fight that put a silencer on our friendship for those two years. i cried for days. and i was so lonely during those two years. and when she sent me flowers on my 25th birthday as an olive branch, to reach out again, i cried again. i was so relieved to have my bestie back.
she's a doctor now. a fancy radiologist and i'm so proud of her. and she's proud of me and my path to my Ph.D. but what i really value in Lyndsay is her commitment to me as a friend. it's been 10 years now that we've been soulmates/besties, and our lives have grown so much. marriages, jobs, moves, etc. and it is hard to talk about those things. sometimes when we get older, life becomes so lonely. marriage is HARD, and it's impossible to talk to people about it. you don't want to let anyone "behind the curtain" - jobs are complex and careers are difficult to navigate. deciding on how or when or if you want a family is complex.
but i am SO GLAD that i have Lyndsay. i can talk to her about anything. these things, and a million more. and she listens and tells me what she thinks, without judgement, and she loves me no matter what. no matter what mistakes i make or want to make or don't make. she's the kind of friend that...if i killed someone, i'd call her. and she wouldn't tell me i was wrong or say she wasn't getting involved. she'd just ask me where i am, and she'd come to help me hide the body. she's not the friend i'd call to get me out of jail, because she'd be with me in jail. she wouldn't leave me hanging like that.
i know that when we're older, and if our partners die before us...we'll probably just move in together and be crazy old bitches together. watching CSI and drinking wine. or watching wedding crasher or texting each other even though we're in the same room.
and i feel like women don't hold each other up enough. and i wanted to embarrass her terribly, and write this about her. because she holds me up. and i love her and appreciate her every day for it. she's inspiring in so many ways... a female MD, a beautiful woman who is strong and unapologetic and hilarious and brilliant. but most importantly, she's my boo-thang.
love you, bestie. ride or die, bitch.