oh the Oscars. the creme de la creme of awards shows. the most glamorous, the most coveted, the most fabulous. and i'm just talking about the red carpet...nevermind actually WINNING an award! so much potential this year... young style mavens like Emma Stone and Rooney Mara walking the red carpet this year along side veterans like Glenn Close & Angelina Jolie. all such talented women, but who cares. what were they wear? actually, all in all, it was really boring.
1. Gwyneth Paltrow
GP turned it out in a Tom Ford dress and cape (!!!) and a sophisticated, simple ponytail. she looked glamorous and sexy and simply chic. the cape may be a little too fashion for some people, but the way the fabric moved was beautiful. the fit of the dress itself is stunning, her body looks amazing, and she looked radiant. bitches always hate on GP, but she shut everyone up in this simple, uber chic Tom Ford dream. bravo, girl. i'll never be as fierce as you!
2. Rooney Mara
Rooney Mara in Givenchy Couture
- STOP. look i'll admit it. i have a huge crush on Rooney Mara and i'd switch hit for her or for her..playing Lisbeth. she just does it for me. she's so simple, so chic, and despite what people say about her being nervous or uncomfortable...she's confident. i died watching Seacrest interview her..she was 100% over him. so good. anyways, this dress, on her, is perfection. the fit, the details, the color, the bare back... it accentuated Rooney so beautifully, highlighting her alien glamour. Givenchy/Tisci and Rooney are like a perfect pair... and this dress blew everyone (i guess minus GP) out of the water. she kept her hair, makeup, and jewelry simple, and just looked stunning and ethereal. LOVE THIS.
3. Jessica Chastain
Jessica Chastain, WORKING the red carpet, FINALLY, in a stunning embroidered Alexander McQueen
gown. FINALLY! she is so gorgeous and the entire awards season she's been in really unflattering dresses. thank god she chose the Oscars to turn it out and look AMAZING. the dress is perfect with her hair color and the hair is great with the dress. absolutely gorg.
4. Natalie Portman
ahh best use of vintage, maybe ever. in a 1953 Dior Archives stunner, Natalie looked retro, yet surprisingly fresh, in polka dolts and DRIPPING in Tiffany diamonds. her deep side part was really great..she looked gorgeous.
5. Michelle Williams
unfortunately for Michelle Williams, the beautiful coral color of this Louis Vuitton
dress read as red in photographs and on television..but nonetheless, she looked gorgeous. her petite frame is perfect for a peplum and the entire look is gamine yet sexy. i love the train, it's so glam.
Best Dressed Man - Christian Bale
Christian Bale/Batman/Patrick Bateman in black on black Gucci
. the way most girls feel about Ryan Gosling, Ryan Reynolds, and Bradley Cooper - that's how i feel about Christian Bale. he's crazy and hot and crazy hot. serial killer chic. live for that black on black.
Mila Jovovich (Elie Saab). Emma Stone (Giambattista Valli Couture). Glenn Close (Zac Posen). Kelly Ripa (Carolina Herrera). Shailene Woodley (Valentino Haute Couture). Kristin Wiig (J Mendel).
oh and now the best part....
WORST DRESSED (no particular order)
Jenny from the block in Zuhair Murad. GIRL THIS ISN'T THE FIGURE SKATING OLYMPICS. why does she always dress like this? in weird, figure skater-ish dresses that are too tight with cutouts? honey we know you're hot. we get it, but you're taste level is HIGHLY questionable. she's so insanely beautiful, why dress like a tramp?!
Ruffles, knife pleats, her boobs flying out....GIRL, check yourself. this is a mess. Joan Rivers gave her best dressed last night on Fashion Police and i almost fell off my couch. this Vera Wang
dress is hanging on for dear life...her boobs are literally a stiff wind away from flying out. i mean c'mon. great color but she looks terrible.
Stacy Keibler (George Clooney's piece)
normally i love Marchesa
but this looks awful on George Clooney's future ex-girlfriend. she looks like she should be a trophy girl..like the low budge chicks on stage who just hand out the statues to the presenters. it's well constructed and well fit but that huge rose?! what is this, your senior prom?! the gold lame fabric? did you jump in a paint can on your way over? MESS. GEORGE, YOU CAN DO BETTER.
aw this is sad because i love Sandra Bullock but this Marchesa dress makes her look like a football player. the wide shoulders are unflattering and the ponytail is all wrong. sorry girl, love you. just not your night.
Penelope Ann Miller
oooo yikes. this custom Badgley Mischka
gown isn't doing her any favors. and CAN WE STOP WITH THE HEADBANDS? listen, the red carpet rule should be.... WWAD? What Would Angelina Do? would Angelina wear a headband in her hair? NO. SO YOU SHOULDN'T EITHER. Angie isn't infallible but she'd never wear a headband, we all know that.
how is it even possible to put Angelina Jolie, wearing Atelier Versace
, on the worst dressed list? the dress is okay i guess. nothing special. but omg her POSING? THAT LEG? what was she doing?! was she drunk?! she did look a little TOO into that Cirque performance. maybe she was drunk? i mean yeah, we get it Ang, you're hot, you're skinny, you have sexy legs. but who poses like that? i mean never have i ever even... seen anything like that posing. it made Lea Michele look almost normal! that's bananas. pull yourself the F together next time, Angie.
Worst Dressed Cast:
The Artist. you guys may have swept the awards but every single woman up on that stage looked a MESS.
Worst Dressed Man:
Jonah Hill. your blacks didn't match, boo.
ok ok, that's enough ranting for this year's awards season. i really missed Tilda Swinton on the red carpet. her alien ass is everything i need. but Rooney Mara is making up for it!
'till next time!